We connected with Bel Hawkins when she was in Aotearoa to promote her book Make It Make Sense, which she co-authored with fellow Shit You Should Care About founder, Lucy Blakiston. Originally from New Zealand, Bel is now living a sensuous life in Portugal - read on to learn more about her relationship with sensuality, writing and exploration.
Hi Bel! Thank you so much for taking the time in your busy schedule to join us in our little corner of sensuality! I have to say that I’ve just spent a pile of time scrolling through your IG and reading your notes, now I’m standing in the showroom trying not to cry at the poignancy of them all. So on that note…for those who don’t know you, please introduce yourself - where you live, where you’re from, how you spend your time these days.
Hello <3 I’m Bel, I’m a writer and creative originally from Aotearoa, based in Lisbon.
Bel wears the Edith Underwire by Dora Larsen
You and Luce have recently launched your book Make It Make Sense ~ how does it feel? Congratulations. (Will it make us cry like your notes have?)
Thank you! That’s so kind of you and I must admit it feels very surreal. I hope part of it makes you cry! And break your heart a little. And then help you dream your way out of any weird feelings (and obviously help make things make sense, lol) and feel hopeful about the world all over again.
When you were writing the book, how did you want your audience to feel when reading it?
Our dream was to create a book that asked the questions (and maybe even answer them) we had throughout our 20s that felt like it was only explored through American or British writing and pop culture. We wanted to make essays feel accessible, emulate the chaotic way we consume content these days and ultimately make women feel less alone in the world. We’ve had readers message us that it feels like they’re carrying around a message from their best friends when they have the book with them and honestly I couldn’t think of a better feeling to have created.
What does the word sensuality mean to you? What does it feel like?
Lately I’ve felt my body ageing. It’s softer in places it used to be taut, and moves in ways that are new for me. When I first noticed, I thought ‘I could let this make me feel shitty or I could learn to embrace it’. I know it’s really naive to say you never thought your body will age but I think that’s the gorgeous delusion of your 20s. So now, sensuality is a whole new feeling I’m exploring - dressing to feel hot for myself. Mincing around my apartment in nothing but my kimono. Trying to be cool with coloured eye shadow. Having different perfumes for different feelings. Going on dates not obsessed with the outcome but more to enjoy the process of looking at someone, being looked at and slowly revealing my inner world if it feels right. I think sensuality means feeling the full power of being really unapologetically in your body.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always thought of the title writer as being as sensuous one - perhaps it’s too images of beautiful people gazing out the window as they contemplate their next sentence, cigarette in hand… but how do you feel like writing and sensuality intertwine?
Lol, everyone seems to think it’s a really romantic profession. It seems to conjure this image of a chic woman smoking slim cigarettes, typing from a lighthouse and sending her lovers on their way. That’s never quite been my experience of it - it’s always felt like a wrestle with all these feelings and ideas with the simple commercial reality of being alive. I do, however, have moments where I find it intensely sensual - a line I won’t be able to stop repeating, or the feeling like maybe I’ve articulated something in this (near) perfect way. I do love, also, that it enables me to be a bit of a loner at times and pursue a life that feels very unpaved out. My friends have stopped questioning why they’re getting voice notes from me from random cities I’ve travelled to on a new kind of creative quest. It’s a privilege I work hard at keeping every day. And it’s not, obviously, without its challenges.
Has your approach to sensuality changed over time? Particularly, living in New Zealand versus now living in Lisbon? [I ask because I immediately feel like a more sensual being as soon as I land somewhere in Europe]
I hate to be that girl who’s like ‘Ugh I moved to Europe and got hotter and New Zealand became small and unsexy,’ but I’ve always felt more connected to myself living far away. I’m drawn to stories and old things, and anonymity and serendipity - for me these things just feel more pleasant and sumptuous here. My friend Vee and I have a running joke that we’re always trying to return to this specific pancake-shaped rock in Italy, eating a nectarine, swimming topless, answering to no one.
That, and a kind of sensual self-expression or exploration has always felt more attainable over here as opposed to home. I feel like I’d wear a low-plunging neckline to a dinner and end up sitting next to my old boss and feeling… like those are two worlds I don’t want colliding. Maybe that’s my own internalised shame. Maybe that’s misogyny. It’s almost always the patriarchy.
Do you have any specific practices that you like to lean into to help cultivate sensuality?
I’ve recently started learning voguing/waacking at a dance studio here in Lisbon and honestly? It’s the hottest/most sensual I’ve ever felt. It’s so freeing - getting out of your head and totally in your body in a room of strangers.
What is inspiring you at the moment?
- I’m getting back into poetry, and love revisiting Alex Dimitrov’s back catalogue
- Richard Hawley’s Coles Corner album. I love putting it in my headphones and taking a night walk if I’m trying to think something over. I’ve always been drawn to poetic, sad man music lol. I find it helpfully poetic.
- My friend Olivia gave me My Poems won’t change the world by Patrizia Cavalli, which I love to carry with me and turn back to.
- I went to Tangier earlier this year and honestly I feel like I’m still filling up creatively from it. It’s the most beautiful city with this whole other kind of energy to it. I love when a place surprises you like that.
Is there anything else you’d like to share with us?
On the topic of pleasure/sensuality, I’ve found, and continue to find, the most rewarding way of incorporating them into my life - is to seek it out in less conventional ways. Conversations with my friends is romantic. Dinner with the doors open and candles burning is sensual. Kissing a mis-matched stranger on a dance floor is poetic. Quietly rearranging my house into new formations is a kind of pleasure only I myself can experience. It’s about trying to find the smallest things sexy and worthy of your time because you’ve resolved within yourself that you’re truly worth it.
You can purchase Bel and Lucy's book, Make It Make Sense here, and follow Bel on Instagram here.